My recent brush with fame...

Now, I'm not really one for the spotlight, unlike some *other* vampires and wannabes I could mention *cough*EdwardCullen*cough*... Whew. 'Scuse me. Must've had the taste of fauxpire caught in my throat for a moment.
Anyway... I'm not the type of guy to go out looking for publicity, especially not until recently, but part of my "coming out of the coffin" experience has been getting involved with the movie business. Contrary to some popular myths, we film and photograph just fine. I can't vouch for my own appearance, but I'll show up on any camera you care to point at me. I'm not in it for fame or money, or anything like that. It's really more like a public service announcement. Vampires are sprouting up faster than you can say Sookie Stackhouse and vampire sires these days just don't even bother with teaching them rules or even how to tie their own shoes (you'll notice a classier new vampire by his stylish slip-ons and the dumber new ones go for Velcro). Vampires are out there, and while most of them are upstanding undead citizens like me, working the graveyard shift (see what I did there?) in hospitals and McDonald's drive-thrus alike, like I said, the newbie vampires have no education and bad manners. If I let the world know what a decent vamp looks like, maybe you guys will avoid the attacking with stakes thing and just target the worst of the worst.

This is a dramatization of actual encounters I had with some seriously effed up clowns. Some of the pertinent details have been changed since there are more vampire clowns still out there, but I think it comes across as pretty true to life. I know there are probably a lot of humans who hate clowns. Let's admit it: they are beyond creepy. Ugh.
But the relationship clowns and vampires have is one of ancient grudges and antagonism, ever since the first mud- and chalk-daubed clown ancestor thought it'd be funny to throw a fire pie at a vampire, got bit for its trouble, and started the darkest, blackest, most nightmarish sect of vampirism ever: Vampire Clowns. They've had a lot of money funneling in from somewhere lately, so I expect vampire clowns will make a concerted effort to come back. I'd avoid going to the circus or any sort of local fairs for a while if I were you...